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Nowadays, we do live in the world where sincere thank yous are rare. Where sorries and apologies are extinct. Let alone, caring for the sake of the people we love. We tend to ignore good the feelings inside but more to the selfishness. 



We don't care about what we do to the people who love us unconditionally, either friends or family members. We tend to pay attention more to the flaws and mistakes they do. Especially, we tend to pay more attention to how many followers and likes we have daily. Yet, we tend to ignore the real person in front of us, but more to the DM's and other personal chats. 

I used to become the person who cares more about the people in my chats rather than my friend talking about his/her days in front of me. That's when I got my first blackberry. Until one of my very best friends hit me in the gut by telling me how rude I was not paying attention to what he just told me. 

His statement hit me like Thor's hammer in my belly. 

After that, I learned a lot about being present for most of my friends who need me, personally. Not me in the chat rooms or DMs or whatever online messages I have in the palm of my hand. I'm trying to be a good listener and said my piece of advice when needed, sometimes. Most importantly, I'm trying to be present for them.

It's not something easy to be done. Trust me. Especially when you're already so addicted and attached to your cell phone. But, there's always something about a time you spent with this person or group of people you can't definitely take back. 

It's a memory with them. 

Stupid jokes, pervert comments, laughter, crazy stunts and just doing what hanging out with friends supposed to be. Because you know what? Those memories won't come back! Exactly like time. It passes you by every time you blink your eyes. 

Can't you imagine if that's the last time you're going to talk with them? As if they just evaporated from this world like dust. Will you regret it? Will you play all that 'if only' words in your head again and again? 

I bet you would. 

I'm saying this because I learned from my experience having lost some friends, I wish I could be better to treat them. To pay attention more to their own troubles or even just a need share some stupid jokes. 

So, I wish you can be better than I am. I wish you can express more about how you feel or how you want other people to treat you back. Because those are the things that will shape your character and your future. When you can treat others the way you treat yourself then everything will become gold. 

I'm sorry, please, forgive me. Thank you, I love you. These words are my magic mantra I keep telling myself daily. Whenever I feel down and I told some of you too. Practice makes perfect said the Wiseman. I hope one day you will understand whatever I'm saying in here. 

Remember, you are SUPER in anyways. 
Have a great life ahead, darlings! 





I learned the hard way to understand boundaries and privacy. Wasn't sure actually it's going to be like this. But, I completely aware of the consequences yet, I'm still crossing the lines.

We finally had that big argument. Completely understand I'm in a very wronged position but I'm not going to defend myself. Instead, I apologized in so many ways to him. 

Started out as a friend, I never think or even had the slightest idea we will get too close to each other. Yet, the normal way of getting close to someone is to know them better. Their behavior, their loved ones even their families. But, I guess with him was have to be in a different angle. I never realized it until it happened. Invading his privacy when he kept it very private. Sometimes, curiosity indeed like a ghost hunting in your dreams. It scared you shitless but you still curious enough to get to know more.

Being mysterious was his agenda. While I'm the one who always has the whispering ghost.

I completely don't know anymore how to explain it to you about my action. Because never in my attempt was to wreck your relationship or our friendship from the very beginning. I love you in ways only you would understand, that's why I'm not going to do harm or whatsoever. But, I did what I'm not supposed to even when he already said it and I already promised him.

This is a very tiring week for me since I don't have any more energy to apologized to you. I tried anything more than I'm supposed to, but you're not that easy to forgive what I did. Even though I know you're acting like this to punish my action.

I guess I let the time to heal you. Until then, hopefully.



“We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.” – Anonymous

This definitely not my first time to be here. But, this time is special because of the company who come with me.
THE DOC
This is the welcome scene when you arrived at the island. Not so busy island when we arrived here because we choose to come on a weekday. We do purposely choose the date because we want to feel the island to ourselves. It gets busier at the weekend.
THE LAGOON
This is the special scenery is the icon of this island. Because of this lagoon is very serene and just a place to take good picture. The clear water and the quiet surrounding really make us feel in solitude.

THE BOAT MAN

We are a bit lucky because we can catct a gorgeous sunset too during our visit.


To get there, you can start early in the morning, at the Kali Adem Port. It's where most of the ship going to the thousand islands. Usually, lots of the agents of the trips will arrange for you. Since I'm going with our own, we deal with the island man directly.

Feel free to try jumping to this island. It's definitely not a crowded one, but it's more a small island to do reflection and just enjoy hanging out with some friends. The signal also not really good inside the house. Oh btw, we sleep in the homestay provided on the island. So, you don't need to worry about sleep and they already have the air-conditioned house too.



This definitely one of the biggest fish we ever ate. They provided the barbeque base on our choice of fish. Then they will serve it a little bit after dinner.

Hope one day you can come and visit and let me know how fun your experiences there.















Aku melebur malam itu dalam sentuhan mesramu yang tak pernah ku harapkan untuk terjadi sebelumnya. - MW - 18 Juli 2018 - 13:26 WIB


I wasn't blind to understand the feelings and the gesture of everything gradually happened between us. Even I keep telling myself not to take it seriously. But, it's hard. I'm just a woman who loves the attention and the pervert jokes too.

Never crossed my mind before even to actually let everything flow like this. But, as the time goes by the feelings arise. I don't want to lie to myself. I do care for you and for whatever exists between us.

Always love the road trip with you, as fun as it supposed to be. But, last Sunday was one of the best thrilling episodes for me. I thought such an experience would ever have happened again with me. Hence, you make it worth.

For me, it's something special, indeed. Something I can remember of your existence in my life. 

You came out of the blue with such a persona, once you told me that you're being ignored. Still, you've made it through as a special person in my life.

Just like a petal flower or the chocolate candies home from the story of Hansel and Gretel, you lure me into your life, slowly. Was I unprepared? I don't think so. I can see it in my mind soon or later something might happen to us. I just hoping you would brave enough to seize it.

Good morning with you - first road trip
Birthday wishes come true
I'm confused and feel awkward, I don't know what to do or say to you. Why change? What did I do wrong if everything being done? 

Hoping you would not be the same as any other guy who passed through my life. Because you're worth more than just becoming them. I can't operate as I'm supposed to as I write this, my mind goes blank and try to calm myself down. I don't want to lose you as a dear friend of mine. That's all I'm hoping.

I love you in a way you can only understand and you know how you feel towards me, I said it out loud already. I wish we can settle this tomorrow.

Peace Offering





HUNTING GAME POSTER
It was just one out of the blue planning I hear in my thoughts and I try to let it become reality with some help from my friends. I was having with the analog camera for the past year seems like most of the people out there also excited with the old but new sensation.

There are some new kids that actually pretty new with this old technology, so I went to make some pooling over Instagram stories, and the result was amazing.

Then I started to plan the game. Basically, it was like treasure hunt game. Where people look for something was the end game. But, I make it like a clue to be able to meet at the meeting point.

Oh btw, we played at one of the central parks we have in Jakarta, it was at the Monument National park. Where people can actually find some historical stories around the park since there are some statues of national heroes in the area.


 

VIEW OF THE MEETING POINT - I HIDE HERE

THEY ACTUALLY SHOWED UP


ME AND ADIT
One of the best highlights was to see and meet this one friend of mine. It's been one hell of so many rides before real life actually consumed us into our daily life. I'm thankful for the technology nowadays because it makes the distance closer to all the apps in our hands.




This one also my best highlight. To invite all the women photographers that I know to hang out at one Saturday afternoon at one of my best hangout place Melly's Garden Cafe. I'm just glad the hang out went well and some of them really just showed up.



STREET EXHIBITION

I'M IN NEWSPAPER

FINALLY MEETING THEM!

THE BOSSES BIRTHDAY

WITH BEAUTIFUL GIRLS

MEET ABIYOGA FOR THE FIRST TIME
Let today be the day of memory of us. The day where we revealing who ourselves. Where we bare each other souls. Thank you to finally trust me to be the one bearing the secret life of the other you. For a while, I was wondering about you. Not because the closer we get the stronger the feelings. But, for the existence of yourself in my life. I believe people come into our life with purpose. Some are good, some to give us a lesson and some to stay until the end of time. Will you stay? I don't know.


I have a lot of trauma letting people in into my life. Especially those who I let them in deeply. Mostly after a while, they will just disappear like smokes. Totally out of sight and out of life, can't even be contacted anymore. Then, I will blame myself because of the situation. I know it's not even my fault, but something always makes me feel insecure regarding having someone I call a dear friend, a best friend or even someone special. If you asked me why? I don't know. I'm still looking for the answers too.

Maybe too much of disappointments in life, also some bad experiences. I don't know. Completely, understand this kind of feeling is not good for me. But, sometimes I just can't help it to feel that way. It's not like I already have some kind of premonitions about the situation, but most things happened as I predicted.

I told you once and keep telling the side of me where I envy the people around you. I know it sounds like a nonsense babbling, but it's true. I don't think I ever have someone as intense as I'm chatting with you.

The insecurities go with the questions, you never want to answer. I keep asking why you stayed to chat with me every single day. Yet you keep answering I'm repeating the questions, again. There are times when we have our own moment to breathe. You're with your days and me with mine. But, nothing that I do when I'm not thinking about you, even you came into my dream. One that I wonder, again. 

This is something I want to tell you for a while, a simple Thank YOU. But somehow I feel I don't have enough words or the right moment, until today. Hopefully, with this post, you understand how important you are already for me. There's something between us which better not being said, but more to feel inside. I know you understand what I'm saying, yet we both keep denying what the feeling was. I guess its better stay that way, I let you be the brother, a best friend and a so-called-online-lover, I never had.

There are times when you make me feel special, there are times you also being a young guy at your age. You keep telling me that you're some kind of ignorant person, but you're not. The evil inside you makes the cover real good like a page of a grand magazine. To me, you're charming, sweet, kind and honest. The kind of things that your other character won't let you be. You have to stay like he wants you to be. As evil as you can be.

I'm just glad, you finally confide in me. Again, thank you.

Wishing you dearly to have an amazing life ahead, the kind of life that you keep dreaming about with that Angel of yours. I wish you both to stay together until then, to have each other back. I wish the relationship getting stronger as the days passed. Is this sound like a jealous or envy person? Indeed! HAHA...this meant to be a sarcasm! 

NAAAAA...

 No matter what life give ahead of you, just remember. When others failed, let me be the last one who saved you from whatever pains you feel. That's a promise!

I love you.




It's definitely not easy to write again. I can't even write any highlight of my 2017. While there are lots of things went by through the year. 

I even let January went by that easily without a single word here.

Hopefully, this time will be easier for me to write things down. Been managing pictures for a while, also planning to print a photobook too. I don't even know if I can manage to have the deadline very soon. 

Let's just hope there will be some time to arrange and design the book.
It's been a while since last I wrote something in here. I'm lost for words. I feel numb all over. The depression taking over my conscience.

But, you came along out of nowhere.

I still remember that first warm hugs that night. It makes me feel like I belong in the realm of your arm curves. Even if it's just a warm introducing hugs, it touched me deeper.

Never realize the meeting will turn out to be an unplanned date. The kiss goodnight so tenders shivering the back of my bones.

Should I not fall for you then?

Some say beautiful mistakes are still beautiful. While you're my handsome one.

So, please stay for a while.
Let me fall deep into the warmth of your kindle heart. Before everything breaks into nothingness.

Then, I will miss you 'till the end of time.


Thank you for the simple smile and silly jokes, you make me smile again.
After a while, I thought I don't have any purpose anymore to be alive.
I guess, there is always something to think about out of severe depression.

Thank you for making me feel so happy.
Thank you for becoming the reason to face my everyday.
Thank you for the kindness heart-care and attention.

Last but not least, thank you for letting me to love you, for now.





There’s hell in Hello, and there’s good in Goodbye – anonymous

Don’t break my heart before I give it to you| don’t tell me no before I ask you to| don’t say it doesn’t fit before you try it on| there’s too much to lose to be wrong

I never consider your kiss as a goodbye. But, it’s a ‘see you soon’ kiss. I know it’s going to be a long one and a half month for me, waiting for you to come back. But, it’s worth to wait.  The thought of you leaving just to come back, really ease the feelings. Because I know soon, I’m going to see you again.

And it feels like there’s something here| but I wanna see it before it disappears| and if there’s something real between me and you| well are we both open to

The way you said on that last night before you drifted to the land of dream, “It’s all you...’ really caught me. Even so, you tried very hard not to show your emotion with me, but I can really see through inside. You tried so hard to keep telling me that you still have an issue with your past.  Which I don’t really bother about it, the past stays in the past. While I’m here, breathe and be with you. Somehow what I believe is you still don’t want to admit, we do have a little something here.

All these possibilities| so many little possibilities| right in front of us| close enough to touch and far enough to have some time to see

The way you tricked me, mock and teased me said it all. The sweet unconscious things you said or did to me also proved that we have something here. Even I don’t want to rush to judge the feelings, but I know deep down, somehow, you do care for me. It’s the little things you said which somehow you’ll forget. But I know at some point when you said it you mean it. I’m glad I’m kind of impulsive the night we first met. But we still have lots of time in front of us.

Before you go on that plane, on the way to the queue line, you teased me again.
You said, “I don’t know what’s going on, but somehow, something about us works. Which is I can just say whatever without having to be feel something or think about it. While with the others, I’ll start to stutter.”

Those small things you said really makes butterflies in my stomach, and my heart skips a beat. Somehow I want to believe, you know it’s easy to make me happy. It’s the small things you do from the unplanned which can works like a charm to me.

You’re a wonderful person, a really nice one.  Yet, you try to hide those wonderful things, behind the silliness and craziness.  A true person who cares about people around him, yet you hide them for your own sake, so you’re not going to be broken again.

All these possibilities| Oh these possibilities| Are written in the stars | We are who we are, baby| And I can’t help but think that possibly | There’s possibility

So, believe in possibilities. YOU CAN be HAPPY!

Song lyric Freddie Stroma – Possibilities 
For me, it’s never easy to talk about myself. I don’t know why. I found it very weird. But, when you want to know about me I can quickly answer everything. So, just don’t! *biggrin* It still feel surreal that I finally leaving my 30’s – this is ever weirder because I feel like I haven’t achieved anything for the last decade. I can’t even say anything I can be proud about. Still, I really thankful for everything happened. Especially those things that make a positive impact on experiences in life.

On the religious side, I will always be grateful to God. No matter what the situation, He will always be my anchor to hold on to. Therefore, I am indeed blessed to be able to reach another age in this millennial year. When empathy is written on the social media, rather than being said directly. Where people more mobile than once before in the last 20 years. Where news travels faster than a lightning bolt, sure you experience this, also when hoax spreading more effective like incurable diseases throughout the whole nation.

A dear friend of mine once told me about being at 40. She was indeed glowing when she told me about her stories. I mesmerized by how she can tell me how fun yet challenging at the same time. The difference with my situation only the marriage part.
I am single, happy and ready to mingle 
Friends have been wondering and family member doesn't even ask me again about this status. I'm sure I have lots of them curious, but I am sure also the time is not right for me to distract myself from this kind of situation. I believe being in a relationship takes more of your time and attention, while my parent still needs more attention at the moment (yes, I still lived with them until this very moment)


Sometimes it's kinda scary to think about how time flies really fast. I still have a lot to achieve, dreams to fulfilled which I don't even know where to start. 


So, thank you for all of you who remember my birthday - which I never put a reminder in any social media I have. Thank you for all the prayers and wishes, I am glad I have you to share my day with. Never been party goers or going out to celebrate, I'm more a laid back person to spend my day contemplating about my life. 




For the past weeks, I've been struggling with life issues. Therefore, I have been writing anything yet. Also, I feel my mood also going away. Been trying hard to sit in front of the computer and learn to write anything, didn't work.

So, as usual, I'm just going to watch my favorite TV serials online or anything on youtube, to get my mojo back. Still not working very much. But, today, I feel like I need to write something. Even though this one is a bit personal, but at least I write something in here. 

I've been reading a lot of positive article about the power of positive thinking and change the bad feeling into positive energy, try to learn 5 mins meditation daily too. Somehow this one works a bit with me. I feel calmer in facing the issues I mentioned. I learned to channel my grumpy energy to something more positive, or at least I try to realized when I feel sorry, I need to direct the bad thing into something else more positive. It's not easy, never been easy to try something new with yourself.  But hey, everything should start somewhere.

That's when I come to realize the word HOPE. The name exists at the last Pandora Box after everything evil were out if you know the story of it. So, I search thing that can give me more support for myself. Being myself and feel the love again. Some said, if you want someone to like you, one need to learn how to love themselves first. To me, this is the hardest part.


Argue with mom, slashing her with my rash comments or high pitched tone were one of the things happening. Again, every time it happens always leave me with a dent in my heart. I know I hurt someone I love deeply, but I can't seem to bring the words sorry to her because I didn't build that way.

Then hope also given by my dear friend Reza, he is my savior for the issues for the time being until I can repay him. I don't know how in the next future, but as for now I pray and hope for all his works and projects runs smoothly.

If you always think that you experience the worst day, NO. You need to stop thinking like that. You need to change it. Nothing good comes easy, they said. Therefore, this action also not easy to apply on yourself, because the hardest thing you can try to conquer is yourself.

Try to find your core when you're down, in any way you can. Some seek for God, some in the party, some in the solitude maybe you just haven't found your way yet. Never give up on yourself, that's what I want to tell you. Because once you give up, nothing will ever show.

Stand up and never give up no matter how hopeless you feel with your situation. Believe, there will always be a way up when you try to channel your energy to love yourself MORE than you usually do.


Stay positive,

TRUST ME
How do you even trust anyone, if you can't even trust yourself?

Asked yourself this question first, before you blame any body because of giving you false hope.
Nothing is wrong with anyone, until you have paranoia on everyone around you.

TRUST YOURSELF FIRST

Hopefully, someday, one day, we're all can learn it the easy way we possibly can.








Last weekend was not really fun for me. Why? Because having a friend telling me of the heartbroken situation, not really a comforting one. Thankfully, I'm one of those friends who you can call, in time like this. I've heard so many stories and getting involved in some of them. Still, never get used to them crying their heart out, especially men.

Sometimes, I can understand when men confused when facing their ladies crying. I guess, I kinda know how confusing it was. You can't ever rationalize what they have in mind, but you can always feel the way they feel if you recall your experiences.

To me, broken heart is a wonderful feeling. Crazy huh?


There are moments in life when you feel the unbearable pain inside, you just want to die. You would do anything just to make it go away, nothing can help to ease the pain. Alcohols, lots of weed even cutting your wrists, you tried everything but none helping you. The pain lingers.

You convince yourself, the need of that one person to heal you. Only that one person, can help you get through this painful experience. Too bad, honey, that one person also the one causing you the painful heartbreak. Then, what should you do? Just feel the pain. Feel with all you might. No matter how unbearable the feelings, just drink it all in. Feel it with all your might, even I know it hurts like hell. Cry if you must, but convince yourself to get up and face the world after.

This is sound so easy to read, but it's really not. I can write and tell you this because I've been there, done that, for some amount of time in this lifeline. Being stupid and lost myself in between, until I don't even know who I really am, and who am I suppose to become.


One thing for sure, all of this will pass. I'm not saying it's easy but it will pass, then you'll feel alive again, at some point. But, always remember this unbearable pains, if you can't handle it anymore, do not give you all to the one you love, until you really find the one you can truly love.

Because when you believe, the universe will conspire to fulfill it. Do you even know there is no gold at the end of the rainbow? But, surely there is love and happiness.

I pray that you will constantly be happier,
I pray that the sorrow in your heart will subside, eventually,
I pray and hoping that one day you can forgive yourself for being stupid,
I pray that someday, you can understand there is a moment when you need to love and care for yourself, more than anyone in your life.

Life is full of amazing and scary surprises, and it's just only the way we encounter them,
will give meaning to what is scary or amazing.

So, here I am, wishing and hoping you will always have a great life ahead, amazing friends!




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ABOUT AUTHOR

This is Meita’s website and you are in a right place to get to know a little bit more about her. She is a dreamer who likes doing digital marketing and been blogging since 2003. She also loves watching TV shows, and movies. Also, passionate about the world. Graduated from the University of Indonesia majoring in Cultural Tourism, taught her a lot about how great Indonesia – country where she is from – in cultural level. Still curious about her? Find out more here ;)

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Hanya seorang perempuan mungil yang masih terus berusaha meraih mimpi terbaik yang ditawarkan dunia. Lalu, berusaha juga untuk membangun dunia yang lebih baik dari sekarang. Entah bagaimana caranya, tetapi harus mulai dari memperbaiki diri sendiri. Menjadi manusia yang LEBIH baik hingga mempunyai rasa BANGGA terhadap diri sendiri, hingga perasaan tersebut lebur dan akan tetap tinggal tak lekang oleh waktu. Semoga [JEJAKKAKIKU] akan menjadi bagian terindah dalam kehidupan ini. Karena yang tertinggal hanya akan menghilang suatu saat nanti, namun jejak-jejak itu akan tetap membekas dibeberapa tempat yang pernah disinggahi. Meski tak terlihat dengan kasat mata.

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