[JejakkakiKu]

Let today be the day of memory of us. The day where we revealing who ourselves. Where we bare each other souls. Thank you to finally trust me to be the one bearing the secret life of the other you. For a while, I was wondering about you. Not because the closer we get the stronger the feelings. But, for the existence of yourself in my life. I believe people come into our life with purpose. Some are good, some to give us a lesson and some to stay until the end of time. Will you stay? I don't know.

I have a lot of trauma letting people in into my life. Especially those who I let them in deeply. Mostly after a while, they will just disappear like smokes. Totally out of sight and out of life, can't even be contacted anymore. Then, I will blame myself because of the situation. I know it's not even my fault, but something always makes me feel insecure regarding having someone I call a dear friend, a best friend or even someone special. If you asked me why? I don't know. I'm still looking for the answers too.

Maybe too much of disappointments in life, also some bad experiences. I don't know. Completely, understand this kind of feeling is not good for me. But, sometimes I just can't help it to feel that way. It's not like I already have some kind of premonitions about the situation, but most things happened as I predicted.

I told you once and keep telling the side of me where I envy the people around you. I know it sounds like a nonsense babbling, but it's true. I don't think I ever have someone as intense as I'm chatting with you.

The insecurities go with the questions, you never want to answer. I keep asking why you stayed to chat with me every single day. Yet you keep answering I'm repeating the questions, again. There are times when we have our own moment to breathe. You're with your days and me with mine. But, nothing that I do when I'm not thinking about you, even you came into my dream. One that I wonder, again.

This is something I want to tell you for a while, a simple Thank YOU. But somehow I feel I don't have enough words or the right moment, until today. Hopefully, with this post, you understand how important you are already for me. There's something between us which better not being said, but more to feel inside. I know you understand what I'm saying, yet we both keep denying what the feeling was. I guess its better stay that way, I let you be the brother, a best friend and a so-called-online-lover, I never had.

There are times when you make me feel special, there are times you also being a young guy at your age. You keep telling me that you're some kind of ignorant person, but you're not. The evil inside you makes the cover real good like a page of a grand magazine. To me, you're charming, sweet, kind and honest. The kind of things that your other character won't let you be. You have to stay like he wants you to be. As evil as you can be.

I'm just glad, you finally confide in me. Again, thank you.

Wishing you dearly to have an amazing life ahead, the kind of life that you keep dreaming about with that Angel of yours. I wish you both to stay together until then, to have each other back. I wish the relationship getting stronger as the days passed. Is this sound like a jealous or envy person? Indeed! HAHA...this meant to be a sarcasm!

NAAAAA...

No matter what life give ahead of you, just remember. When others failed, let me be the last one who saved you from whatever pains you feel. That's a promise!

I love you.

Don't limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve.

- Mary Kay Ash -

Looking back, I can't believe it's been thirteen years. I just realize nothing good actually coming out from this blog. While some and more of my blogger friends evolved. Becoming a good writer and publishing some novels even book. They got a chance to go traveling for free because of their religiously writing on their blog.

While I just let it float and too busy with the reality of life.

August 2003, when I started my first writing in here, some kind of 'online request letter' from an online friend. I don't even know how he is doing right now, but hope all is great and awesome with him. Now, going back and looking all those writings, really make me feel old! haha...

All for the sake of learning how to write my heart out. Now, I will leave my thirties soon, how time flies when you try to have fun with life.

People learned from the past mistakes. Especially dealing with so many broken hearts, unhappy life and being rejected. I also learned the hard way of dealing with those, in private and professional way. Experiencing a different kind of jobs, meeting good, awesome and not-so-good bosses. Crying over difficulties in life, arguing with the parent, running away from life itself. I've done it all.

But, most of all, I do feel proud of myself, even though everything seems to fall apart. I still can keep my head upright, I can still be humble within, and just try not to get into trouble that much, other than being tipsy on some beer bottles *big-grin*

Now, life seems all good to me. So, I start to prepare myself and facing the life ahead with more positive attitude, more content and just BE HAPPY! I guess this is the key of all things. Traveling has given me more happy-go-lucky feeling, because I got a chance to do, what I love the most. Hopefully, this will get me to that happy place.

So, don't worry if you're in a confusing place right now. It's part of the recognition of your life. Someday, this will pass and you will remember how this feeling was, and just shrug it off.

From now on, just promise yourself to be happy, nothing will harm you of being in this state.

HAVE FUN WITH YOUR LIFE!

I’ve been dealing with this for quite sometimes. I can’t seem to put the right words into this so-called diary. I don’t even know where to begin, without any triggering mood to do the writing. I know that I needed to write, not that I don’t want to tho. Sometimes I just really need my own time to be able to do this. Just like whenever I want to watch a movie, I don’t want any distractions around me. Yeah, I’m that kind of person.

Now, I’m trying to write this out. After a long pause and every one been asking about updating new subject, here I am. Some of you might miss me, I know and I’m sorry. *giggles* Thanks for the nice thoughts and feelings. That’s all I asked to keep me always in spirited mood.

Remember all of the good times & all of the special people that were with you during them. Let go of the past, but don't forget it cause there are a great many things that can be learned from what you have been through & most importantly: follow your heart, stand up for what you believe in & take your own path, always do what YOU want to do.

The above verse is very simple but very true. I found it accidentally through the net. Sometimes there’s always a time when you really need a stress release. Each and every one of us has their own style of the matter. To me, one of the things is this, writing. Sometimes watching movies or reading even daydreaming. It’s just nice to have the world of your own for a while. It’s just like ‘escaping’ from this hectic world, and just made your own world in your mind.

There are always issues, in life. That’s for sure; it’s only a matter of action we take to find the ways to answer them. You can’t just sit there and not doing anything or even just cry or furious, for sure it wouldn’t solve anything. You need to talk to somebody that can understand your problems, someone you can trust or just perfect stranger you just know, somewhere. You can be surprise with the answers you’ll get. Is it base on experience? YES! I have to admit it.

Reactions you get from people can be different. Especially, when it’s coming from the one you know or one that doesn’t. They all can come up with the same results or the opposite. Still, at the end, you need to decide. You need to take some chances. You’re the one that have things. You’re the one that think you have problems. So, you’re the only one that can solve it. The others just a back up call and a reminder of something you can’t see.

I learn a lot regarding to this so-called problem. All you have to do just trust yourself, take action and let the super power God -or whatever you believe in- has, do the rest. There’s another saying which said "Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves" this is the thing that sometimes we can’t see. We love to see others while we hardly look in the mirror. Just like, sometimes, we afraid of the consequences of taking chances.

A friend of mine, Andy, told me once, when someone actually come to see me as a consultant or psychologist when the patient start talking about one problem and a third person that make one go crazy or stressful. It’s actually not the third person that has the problem. It’s the patient. Why? Because, the patient sitting in front of me and talking about someone else, is the one that having a problem. The explanations really took me by surprise, yet make a lot of sense.

So, the conclusion will try to be honest with yourself and just let it go...
Trust yourself, 'cause if you don't trust your own, who else?

This is just one of the nonsense, I write and for me to show off. Yup! *grinning* but, still with every line I wrote, I’m learning, with every mistakes and corny subject that I posted, I’m learning.

I just hope there are lots of people out there that actually want to learn to live the life with the proudest feeling of being themselves. Not because of somebody made them, or because someone said so. But, because YOU SAID SO!!

*wink*

EXPECT MIRACLES!

Note:
My deepest sympathy for my dearest friend Pandu, just lost his dad, yesterday. May he rest in peace and be free again. Amen!

When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is!

Dr. Lannis - Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Originally taken from St. Augustine

The above quote is just a reminder, about being happy and in love.

In this crazy world of fast and instant things, sometimes one really needs to lay back. Just to stepped back a bit and looking back to the road we took. Some people said, don’t look back. But, sometimes that’s all we need. To look back at the things we’ve done in the past. Of course, you can’t change your past, for sure. However, to me remembering the past is good as a real thing reminder. When it’s bad, you can figure out why and learn to be better. When it’s good then something that you can treasure and remember for the rest of your life. Something you can tell to your descendants, as a legend.

*grinning*

Even I’m smiling as I’m writing this now. Remembering all the good and happy times, I had.

According to my opinion, being in love is one of the greatest moments in someone’s life. It’s the wonderful feelings, butterflies, flushes, laughter and togetherness. As the time goes, those tools really work things out. Some people thought being in love is just about all the mushy and juicy. I guess, it's not. Fights, being pissed and sadness are include in the love-package.

Sometimes one just has to realize it again, and start to ask the simple question that usually forgotten.

“Are you happy with your life?”

Of course, the question is referring to life itself. Will one be happy with or without any life partner at one side?

Why don’t you - readers – try to ask the question to yourself? Who knows something really good and great will happen soon to your life.

Don’t complaint, ‘cause whatever that is, not going to make your life easier. But, smile a lot and feel happy, and then the people around you will feel the positive energy and love being around you. You’ll never know if there’s actually someone out there already keep an eye on you, just like one’s prey. Just wait for the right time and the right moment to hit you and BAM!!

I got you! *big grin*

It’s easy dealing with love, if you’d say so,
And it’s hard dealing with it, if you’d say so too.

The choice always comes back to ourselves, whether we want the hard ways or the easy ways. Sometimes people just don’t realize about this. They’re just go blind about everything regarding to love matter. Then, when you try to look back, it’s not necessary have to be the way you wanted too.

Sometimes, it just happens. Either you want it too or not. You just have to accept the feelings –negative or positive – you’ve got. No matter how strange the feeling you feel, it’s there.

Therefore, when it comes to funny feelings and it's kinda make you being silly, just embrace it! Wouldn’t hurt you if it’s not kill you, right? *wink*

So, just don't be afraid to fall in love and being out of love, 'cause it will soon presence itself in front of you. Whenever you're ready to embrace it...

Note:
Happy Birthday, Dhimas aka KulDab! I can't give you anything, just not yet, but this one note definitely a b'day gift for you!

Gambar diambil disini

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